yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
