i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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