i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
