good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
