we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
