I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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