he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
