So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My hand turned me down
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
