So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
