ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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