i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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