i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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