The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
