Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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