I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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