so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
