U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
