i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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