you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
