i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
