He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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