it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
wow bdsm is so cute
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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