don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
