With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
