You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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