i barfeds in our rink
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she peed on how many people?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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