i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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