My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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