I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
