went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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