i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
