Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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