Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
