Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Houston, we have a squirter
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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