By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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