Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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