she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
