hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
