I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
