Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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