Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
