And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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