I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
