I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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