I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well I just put wine in my tea
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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