Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
