I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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