im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
