I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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