Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
