No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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