if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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