There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
