i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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