I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
