So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
