Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
